I have news……..…I decided to give therapy a try.

And boyyyyy, let me tell you, it was a trip! And not because of the actual sessions but because of the therapist that I worked with. Without going into too much detail, she did several things that annoyed me in the very beginning. But, she took my insurance, was a black woman, a Christian and not drastically older than me so I thought I should give her a chance. I also thought it made sense to really give myself time to go through the process and wait it out without making any rash decisions. SN: I only mention that she wasn’t drastically older than me because I think if she was maybe in her 60s, she might not be able to completely relate to the things that an early 30-something might be experiencing in this day and age. And that’s no shade at all. Just considering the fact that times are VERY different now vs. for instance, when my mom was 30 (she’s in her 60s now). So I kept this in mind when looking for the right person.

We met several times and most of the conversations were pretty good — a little enlightening, definitely positive — but I didn’t ever really feel like she was telling me anything groundbreaking or profound. I got a few helpful tips on how to deal with conflict within my family and within romantic relationships but other than that, it really was just a time set aside every two weeks for me to vent to someone with an unbiased opinion. And maybe that’s all therapy is ever supposed to be. I’m not sure since I’m so new to this. However, there was one incident that forced me to stop ignoring the nagging feeling that this might not be the right fit. I requested to reschedule an appointment a few weeks ago and she tried to charge me $150 for a same-day cancellation. ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY AMERICAN U.S. DOLLARS. We went back and forth regarding why I needed to cancel and finally she reduced the fee to $50. Listen. I don’t have the time. Or the energy. I paid that woman her $50 and now I hope she forgets she ever knew me.

It was a pretty upsetting situation but I’m still going to try my best to find the right person. I know she’s out there somewhere and I won’t stop until I find her. I’m realizing as I get older how incredibly important it is to have an outlet like therapy. Living in NYC is A LOT. I can’t even adequately put into words how stressful it can be sometimes. I have a blast here, don’t get me wrong. But, I’ve also probably had some of my lowest lows here along with the highest highs. Sometimes just walking outside can feel like too much effort. So, in an effort to prioritize my mental health this year, I will continue to search for the right situation with the right brand of treatment for me. I told myself at the beginning of the year that 2019 would be about prioritizing travel and mental health and I intend to see that through.

So, I’m curious. Have you ever tried therapy? Did it take you a while to open up to your counselor and reap the real benefits of it? I’d love to hear other experiences so I know what other folks are dealing with. Let me know your thoughts. And thanks a million for stopping by. As always, I appreciate you. ;) xoxo - Ashley

P.S. outfit deets are listed below.

Sweater dress: super old from Forever 21

Bag: Louis Vuitton

Boots: PrettyLittleThing

Choker & Fishnets: Amazon (I’m pretty sure…)

Shades: Windsor